You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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