i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
