The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
