My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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