I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize