Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
