the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
