My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
