My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
