we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
