dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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