Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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