you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
