its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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