he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
