Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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