i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
