theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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