Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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