If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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