I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
