Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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