Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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