The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize