i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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