Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  I hate ducks.

  (916): View more from California

  What?

  (916): View more from California

  they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

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  (916): I hate ducks. (916): What? (916): they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck. http://tfl.nu/gesm
  Replies (55) Good night (3640) Bad night (962)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  you were so drunk you slurred your pauses

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  (440): you were so drunk you slurred your pauses http://tfl.nu/u543
  Replies (6) Good night (4474) Bad night (704)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i turned job hunting into a drinking game..

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  (651): i turned job hunting into a drinking game.. http://tfl.nu/xroj
  Replies (20) Good night (5907) Bad night (825)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  how many servings is brandon's dick?

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  (203): nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body (508): how many servings is brandon's dick? http://tfl.nu/n1yr
  Replies (57) Good night (5362) Bad night (845)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."

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  (203): So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm." http://tfl.nu/f62k
  Replies (19) Good night (3708) Bad night (1011)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?

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  (703): I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans? http://tfl.nu/gwsp
  Replies (19) Good night (4017) Bad night (820)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes

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  (860): there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes http://tfl.nu/0fsj
  Replies (24) Good night (5097) Bad night (2639)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.

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  (917): But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting. http://tfl.nu/vtlx
  Replies (6) Good night (2071) Bad night (691)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.

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  (727): You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her. http://tfl.nu/lj37
  Replies (3) Good night (1078) Bad night (2708)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'

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  (802): I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress' http://tfl.nu/zrhx
  Replies (4) Good night (1427) Bad night (840)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from. 

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  (832): I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.  http://tfl.nu/6jpo
  Replies (2) Good night (1140) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W

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  (603): Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W http://tfl.nu/om4e
  Replies (3) Good night (643) Bad night (695)
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  (518): View more from New York

  The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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  (518): The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/6fga
  Replies (7) Good night (807) Bad night (1305)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up

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  (916): Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up http://tfl.nu/2pg5
  Replies (3) Good night (626) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.

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  (405): Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking. http://tfl.nu/sqkf
  Replies (29) Good night (807) Bad night (528)

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