I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.