Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml