Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....

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  (973): She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it. (201): Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella.... http://tfl.nu/9xtz
  Replies (18) Good night (5855) Bad night (2037)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

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  (757): He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/ihy8
  Replies (41) Good night (2890) Bad night (4701)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.

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  (804): also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite. http://tfl.nu/xds7
  Replies (14) Good night (4035) Bad night (1326)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages

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  (978): im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages http://tfl.nu/apfo
  Replies (23) Good night (1318) Bad night (4344)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore

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  (412): If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore http://tfl.nu/feot
  Replies (17) Good night (2866) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.

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  (516): It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night. http://tfl.nu/9z84
  Replies (6) Good night (2610) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays

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  (913): Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays http://tfl.nu/wo2m
  Replies (3) Good night (890) Bad night (1067)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby

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  (812): I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby http://tfl.nu/u8rx
  Replies (10) Good night (980) Bad night (1724)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.

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  (508): I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking. http://tfl.nu/mdga
  Replies (16) Good night (2055) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"

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  (516): I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park" http://tfl.nu/phni
  Replies (3) Good night (1013) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.

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  (423): I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar. http://tfl.nu/yxk9
  Replies (15) Good night (2582) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.

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  (305): I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night. http://tfl.nu/aqrx
  Replies (3) Good night (200) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.

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  (713): I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover. http://tfl.nu/74mv
  Replies (3) Good night (512) Bad night (186)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.

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  (603): 'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/23ze
  Replies (1) Good night (443) Bad night (188)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse

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  (719): I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse http://tfl.nu/h22m
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (200)

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