Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.