Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.