Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
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Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
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Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome