Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED