....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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