She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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