Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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