i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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