Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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