i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
