all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
