don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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