is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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