I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
