Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
