youre lurking in front of me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So vagazzling was a success
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
