careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
