I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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