YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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