Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
