Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
