Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
