I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
