good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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