After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
