My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
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he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
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seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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