my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
