So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
