so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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