I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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