So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So many bounce houses so little time
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
