I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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