My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
