the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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