Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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