My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
