I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
