Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
third nipple confirmed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
