I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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