i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All the doctor said was why
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
