Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
