Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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