I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
