i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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