I faked an abortion last night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
