I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
