i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize