Your face is a jimmy john
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
