Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
