I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
